39 weeks! (+ a few days. + a few doggies).

Life continues to keep some sort of time warp pace caught between the speed of a snail and one that rushes by in an instant.

There are moments when I think about our baby and I am so excited to meet him, that I just can't wait! Or, I will feel some unfamiliar tugging in my body, and get excited that this could be it. (So far, it hasn't "been it".)

Other moments I think. Woah, hold the phone! Why hurry? I feel pretty good (over all). Let's savor these last few precious (days/weeks/hours) that we have as being (mostly) two. Because soon it is all going to be different, forever.

And still, just how soon and just how different it will be does not begin to sink in.

But despite this kind of surreal back and forth state, I think we are doing a great job being present. Ben is giddy. I am relaxed. And we are hanging out, enjoying. (Ok, and waiting, a little.) Soon enough.

This is it. It's baby week, which means I'm officially signing off for a while. Jamie will take over until her baby boy comes, so you guys are in good hands.

I've spent the last week reflecting on this pregnancy and the days, months, and years to come. You would think at this point I'd be able to wrap my head around the fact that there's a full grown little person inside of me, but it still feels kind of bizarre. Joe and I went to one last pre-baby dinner a few days ago and discussed how things would be different with a child in our lives and what kind of parents we wanted to be. I said that I wanted our baby to be healthy and safe, and he said that he wanted our baby to be happy. If we're lucky, we'll get all three... aren't those the only things that really matter anyway?

I don't think I've been at all candid about how difficult this pregnancy has been for me. Actually, I know I haven't. I, too, got a massage earlier in the week and the massage therapist told me she couldn't believe how much water my body was retaining. My doctor estimated that a good 7-8 pounds of my weight gain is just water weight alone; I think that explains why this trimester has been especially uncomfortable. But, for those of you who are not pregnant or have never been pregnant and would like to be one day, my intentions were never to scare you. You should know that many of the struggles I've encountered are on the rare side, and to experience them all in the same pregnancy is even rarer. So, I'm leaving you with a few aspects of pregnancy I really enjoyed; the ones I'll be a little sad to see go...

Feeling the baby move! Every little twist and turn, and kick and jab (even the ones that hurt) have been the most amazing sensations. Sometimes, often times, I take it as the baby trying to tell me something and I try to figure out exactly what that something is. It's been our little way of communicating and my way of trying to get to know the baby before he/she actually comes.

Listening to Joe talk to my belly. That sort of thing always seemed so silly to me before I got pregnant, but now, it's quite possibly the sweetest thing in the world. It's easy to forget that our partners aren't having the same experience we are, so it's been nice to share every little bit of this pregnancy with him as possible. It's part of the reason that I'm so tremendously excited that he'll be the first to hold our baby.

People are nicer when you're pregnant. I'm not sure why, because I never found myself being nicer to pregnant ladies, but it's true. Strangers are more inclined to smile at you on the street, give up their seat, and offer you help loading your groceries. I'm not going to lie... it's been VERY pleasant.

Knowing how happy and excited our friends and family are for this baby. I feel like some of our loved ones have been living in even greater anticipation than we have. It truly is remarkable how much joy a baby can bring.

and finally...

Sharing this experience with Jamie. Very few people have the opportunity to be pregnant at the exact same time as a friend. She's been incredibly supportive, and I feel so lucky that I've had her by my side. She's pretty much the best partner in crime EVER, and I can't wait to see how the rest of this adventure pans out. I have a feeling it's going to be pretty awesome.

xoxox

Well here we are! Have I told you about my epic (organized by: nature of task, whose responsibility the task is, and when it must get done. and color coded) to do list excel spreadsheet? Yeah I am a huge dork. Point is the list was set up to be done by this weekend, and I am glad to report we just have a few more tasks to cross off! Then I am going to take after Claudia* and put away the lists and just enjoy this time. (Ben will be so relieved.) A great way to kick off this new phase is with some pampering. The weekend's agenda includes no less than:

-massage (thanks Carly!)
-hair cut
-prenatal partner yoga
-manicure/pedicure (thanks girls!)
-eyebrow waxing

For a girl like me who does not spend a lot of time or money on grooming this is pretty fancy.

*who I can't help but notice has not been around since Tuesday.....

My belly seems to have officially met its limit. We scheduled our cesarian birth (thank you, Rachel) this week. It's pretty wild to pick out your child's birthday. They only give you an option of two days, but still, it's very surreal to know that you'll be giving birth by a specific date. I caught Joe standing over the crib the other day and just staring at it. I knew exactly what he was thinking; in just about a week this baby will be out of my belly and in that very crib. I'm not going to say we're ready, because I don't think anyone is ever ready for such a life changing experience. But, we're set... everything is in its place and ready to go. So now, we wait.

*Look! One of my dearest friends ended up getting us THE MOBILE, and Heather even did a little post about it on the Frazier + Wing blog.

** Since I'm giving props, I made those fabric panels using fabrics from Wonder Fluff, and yes, those are Sharon Montrose Baby Giraffes given to us by our friends, Kelly and Peter.

I kinda dropped the ball last week at 36, and this one is cheating a little because it was taken Monday. (My new week starts on Thursday, and I usually take the photos Friday or Saturday.) But anyways. A friend of a friend, Fabrizio Constantini was in town and took a few photos of me. This one included. I guess I didn't drop the ball, I swallowed it whole. Haha. I know I am a riot.

Anyways, full term, yeah! I think since we don't know exactly when the baby will come (1 week? 3? 5?) it still feels so abstract. Even though we have had 9 months to get used to the idea, I just can't wrap my head around the fact that in a few short weeks we will be the parents of a real live infant. Really?

What a week! I woke up in the middle of the night on Monday with severe cramping and contractions that would not quit. I tried walking around our apartment, taking a hot shower, and drinking some water, but nothing seemed to work. Seeing as I've never been through this before, it crossed my mind that I could be in labor... but was in a bit of denial. Since the pain wasn't getting any better, I called my doctor's office at around 9 am. They told me to eat some protein, take a tylenol and stay hydrated, and they'd call me back in a couple hours to see if the situation had gotten any better. Of course, it didn't. I was asked to come in to make sure everything was ok and learned that I was experiencing false labor. I was sent home and told to rest because real labor was probably approaching. I felt like a ticking time bomb.

I had three more days of cramping and contractions before my next visit on Thursday. My doctor checked my cervix and found no progression, which was disappointing to say the least. I had done some research online and found that some women can go through false labor for up to 4 weeks before going into true labor. I realized that this could potentially really suck. Staying up half the night due to so much pain, only to find out it was all in vain, was not cool with me. She then started to press against my belly to feel the baby; a routine procedure. As she pressed on my lower abdomen, she announced that she was not feeling the head. Seeing as I'm hoping to have a baby with a head, this was not the kind of thing I wanted to hear. She brought in the ultrasound machine and she did end up finding the head, but shockingly, it was resting right below my left boob. My baby is still in a breech position. I was either mistaken when I thought the baby had turned, or it had in fact turned but then flipped right back up. I broke down in tears. This was the last thing I was expecting to find out. She also mentioned women who hold extra amniotic fluid have a tendency to carry breech babies because an upright position in more comfortable for them. She gave me two options... an EVC (no f*cking way) or scheduling a c-section.

I came home completely distraught. After doing more research online and contacting friends to see if they knew of anyone who had gone through something similar, I learned that acupuncture was a highly successful way of turning babies. Things were looking up and I was excited. I contacted a highly recommended acupuncturist in the area who specializes in all things pregnancy-related. However, after a long talk on the phone, it was clear that the odds of getting this baby in the right position were highly against me. She informed me that due to how late in the pregnancy I was trying to attempt this, I had a higher risk of inducing labor using this procedure (the optimal time is before 35 weeks). Therefore, she would have to use a "lighter" technique which was much less likely to be successful. She also mentioned that because of the extra amount of fluid I have in my belly, the chances of the baby flipping upwards again were much higher. She was willing to still do the procedure, but wanted to be very clear with me when it came to the risks and the odds. It wasn't the news I was hoping for, but I appreciated her honesty.

So, I slept on it and came to the conclusion that the best decision for me and my baby was to go ahead and schedule a c-section. Do I condone scheduling c-sections for convenience or selfish purposes? Absolutely not! That being said, I truly believe that there are circumstances where a c-section is definitely necessary. There are times when they save lives; if it wasn't for c-sections, neither I or my sister would be here today. Sadly, I feel many women are made to feel "less than" if they end up having to birth their babies via c-section. That's simply not the case. All of our pregnancies are different and all of our bodies are different and at the end of the day, isn't the goal to bring home a safe and healthy baby? That's my goal, at least. Am I sad that I won't be able to hold my baby immediately after birth? Honestly, I'm heartbroken. However, knowing that Joe will get that opportunity and knowing that this baby loves his/her papa SO MUCH (I get a little shimmy dance in my belly every time he comes home from work), makes this decision so much easier. After all, I didn't make this baby by myself. There is the slightest chance that this baby will find it's way down, in which case the c-section will be canceled, but I'm not going to hold my breath and I'm not going to be disappointed if it does not happen. Joe said it best when he told me that I need to focus on the fact that both the baby and I are very healthy. If anything, this whole ordeal has taught me an extremely valuable lesson... parenting will hit you with the most unexpected surprises and you just have to be ready for them.

This one is kind of funny. Home alone trying to use the timer, I shot a little off center. But I kind of like it. And, a sneak peak into baby's room! (Thanks to Kyli for finding my lamp on clearance! It looks amazing lit up.)

Gotta keep this short. I might be running late to my own baby shower. Oops!

xoxo

*yikes! the first time i posted this i cropped myself/belly out of it all together on accident!

First off, I'd like to give the biggest shout-out to Jamie for covering this WHOLE week. She is truly the best. Had I known that some little allergies would turn into a week of being plastered to my couch, alternating between breathing through my nose and breathing through my mouth, I would have at least rented some movies or something. Well, at least I took the time to pack my hospital bag.

Anyway... 1 MONTH! Holy crap, I almost can't believe it. As of next week, I'll officially be full-term. Yay, baby, you made it! Honestly, I'll be surprised if I last a month. Not that I know what to expect, but things have just felt funny lately. Hard to explain. Oh, and I've definitely dropped. My belly once sat snuggly under my boobs, and now it's kind of hanging sluggishly over my lady parts (tmi?). Not cute, guys, not cute at all. The baby goes crazy when I lay in that position and it's so much fun to watch. I've been doing a lot of that lately; not only because I've been sick, but because the simplest tasks are so exhausting these days.

*On a side note, I'll FINALLY be listing new pieces in the shop this weekend. I made an executive decision to not get my germy hands all over the new crop of vintage goodies that will soon be for sale. :)

Two things:

1. I'm sick, and it sucks to be sick when you're pregnant. It's really just seasonal allergies which, unfortunately, have plagued me for as long as I can remember. Joe and I went for a walk yesterday and it felt exceptionally springy out... I should have known all the blooming flowers would do this to me. So now, I'm stuck inside, in bed, wearing my pajama pants and that tank top that Joe loves to point out doesn't fit me anymore every time I wear it. No, I'm not jealous of Jamie's beautiful picture out in the sun on a picnic blanket AT ALL. For those of you who also suffer from seasonal allergies, keep in mind that springtime isn't exactly the best time to be expecting a baby. Which brings me to...

2. Did you notice? I've skipped a week. This baby has consistently been measuring all wrong. On average, I've only been about a week off and never more than a week and half ahead. At 22 weeks, my due date was changed to the 12th, then the 11th, and then back to the 14th. It's been all over the place. There came a point where people would ask my due date and I'd simply shrug my shoulders and tell them "I don't know". This probably made me seem like a big jerkface, but I really had no clue. At my 32 week appointment, I measured 33 weeks. BUT THEN at my 34 week appointment (this past Thursday), I jumped 4 weeks to 37 weeks. My weight gain didn't skyrocket in these past two weeks, so what gives? My doctor felt around my belly and said that It wasn't a big baby she was feeling (phew!), so I either have extra amniotic fluid or this is a case of mistaken due date. It makes very little sense to me how a due date can be wrong. Apparently, being on hormonal birth control for twelve years straight and getting pregnant just 6 weeks or so after you get off it doesn't exactly help the situation. Anyway, although I seem to be closer to 37 weeks, my doctor has officially moved my date only 1 week to April 8th. Meaning, instead of turning 34 weeks this week, I turned 35. Confusing? Yeeeaaah, I'm at a total loss here. The good news is, I did some research online and most women in this situation seem to have been pressured into being induced. My doctor, however, made no mention of this and it looks like she thinks I should just ride it out. I guess babies come when they want anyway, so FINE BY ME.

34 Weeks!

I am loving March so far. It is (probably) the last month we will spend as non-parents. We are striking a fantastic balance of crossing things off the to do list (which I hope to have done by April, so we are more or less ready in case he decides to be early) and enjoying this time together.

Today that means sitting in our yard enjoying the epically fantastic weather (while reading about birth and newborns, of course. And playing a little ping pong.).

Hope you are all having a good weekend!

(Baby shower: Round 2)

Jamie is right, these babies will be here in no time. We had our shower in Oakland today and now our apartment is cluttered with boxes full of baby stuff, and our dresser drawers hold tiny piles of baby clothes that need to be washed. We started our search for a pediatrician on Thursday, we're having the car seat installed this week, and the crib is set up. My belly is huge and random strangers' unwelcome comments about my size are even starting to get under Joe's skin. I watched a super graphic childbirth video online the other day and I almost puked up my breakfast. I had a dream that my water broke and I woke up a little freaked out. I don't feel ready... but I guess that doesn't really matter.

33 weeks!

I like counting backwards at this point. 7 MORE WEEKS. That is like, nothing.

A few weeks ago I made an epic, color coded excel spreadsheet to do list (organized by nature of task, deadline, and whose responsibility the task is) (yes I am a huge dork, who had a few spare minutes at work one day).

There was a lot on the list, but instead of stressing me out I feel relieved to have it all down on paper, no longer simply floating around in my head. And, we have made some serious progress on it already. Ben has been a real champ. Checking things off: so gratifying!

Whoa. It's been a whirlwind week, and the only time I had a moment to even think about the weekly belly shot was yesterday at 7:30 in the morning, right before I had to leave to catch my flight for my LA shower. Me and 7:30 in the morning don't exactly do very well. I was hoping some red lipstick would make me look a little more awake and would detract from the fact that I was wearing flipflops in the rain, and I think it worked! Well, at least for the looking awake part.

32 weeks!

And a medium grey wall!

I love it.

Sitting in our lounge chair is just about the only thing I find comfortable these days. I avoided it for so long because apparently, staying in a reclined position for too long isn't very good for breech babies. They tend to get a little too comfortable themselves, and just don't bother turning upside down. I'm quite certain this baby has finally found its way down though, and where I once felt a head, now feels more like a bottom. (yay!) So for the past few nights, while I wait for Joe to come home from work, I nestle into the chair with a glass of water and my current baby book while the baby kicks and tumbles away. I'm pretty sure we've passed our night owl genes down to this little one.

31 weeks!

Ben took this one yesterday while we went on a walk to get dinner. I am definetly starting to physically feel this pregnancy a lot more. I am very tired by the end of work, and at the end of last night's long-ish walk my back started to hurt. Little things like that. I am really looking forward to this weekend, my first real weekend off at home in some time! My only major task; to make invites for my San Diego shower with girlfriends. Fun!

Me: I am a house.

Joe: You are not a house.

Me: Ok, then I am a bungalow.

Having to climb 2 flights of stairs to get from your garage to your apartment is really not that bad. Having to climb 2 flights of stairs from your garage to your apartment when you're 7 1/2 months pregnant feels a lot like going for a 3-mile run. I'm not going to lie... I'm tired and uncomfortable and very ready to not feel so tired and uncomfortable anymore. I've learned the hard way that I really need to take it easy. I was getting painful contractions last week, and when they started coming frequently, I freaked out a little. Every time I send an email to my doctor or pick up the phone to call her, I picture her quietly laughing at my inexperience. Joe says he's sure I'm not the only one who needs constant reassurance. That's probably him just being nice. She told me I need to rest more and drink more water. So far, that's helped a lot. It can be hard to rest so much when you're so close to expecting a new person in your life, but as soon as those contractions start to kick in again, I picture the baby saying, "Hey Mom! You think you can be a little more careful while I'm in here?". And so I slow down. Just 10 more weeks, little one... we can make it.

Sh... Don't tell Ben I am doing this. We are supposed to be hitting the road in about 20 minutes. I still have about 1 hour + 20 minutes worth of things to get done first!

30. weeks.

Celia is right. Major count down time!

We are headed to Tucson for our baby shower! I can't believe we are having a baby shower! It is so weird. This thing is really truly happening, huh?

Here I am, Here I am!

Celia's right, I have been sick as a dog. Luckily I am feeling a little better today, otherwise I wouldn't be in real clothes. Dudes, being sick while you are pregnant is the pits! Especially on the 29th week, my lucky number. Shouldn't I be feeling all rainbows and sunshine on my favorite week? ;)

Hi guys! Jamie's been pretty sick this week, and considering she'll be at Hitched this sunday with Cactus & Quail, I have a feeling she won't be posting a weekly photo today. So, all you get is me. ;) Next week marks 30 weeks which I've been highly anticipating, because 10 weeks sounds like a serious countdown. I was laying on the couch this morning and I noticed some movements that somewhat resembled this. Is that freaky or what?