Tuesday, August 2, 2011

My Epic Adventures in Traveling with Lucia

My mom met us at baggage claim and helped me lug all the baby stuff to her car. It is truly AMAZING how much crap you have to take everywhere when you have a baby. Before L was born, I rarely even carried a handbag. As you can imagine, this has been quite an adjustment for me. I was able to get the stupid car seat that I now *hate* installed in no time at all. Finally, we were on our way to her house and I felt my body start to relax. As soon as we arrived, L was in need of a diaper change. And what does she do? She pees, and she pees EVERYWHERE; all over her onesie, all over her pants, all over the pac n' play my mom had just bought. And what do I remember? That I chose to leave her extra outfit at home because she NEVER needs it. My patience for the day was starting to wear thin and it was barely 11am. Luckily, my mom came to the rescue with an outfit she had bought for her that was drowning in pink ruffles and bows. I dressed her; she looked like a bijon frise. But it was free, she was clean, and I didn't exactly have much of a choice.

Have you ever tried to get a baby to nap in a household full of incredibly loud relatives? Yeah, it's not that easy. Everyone took turns passing her around and after a few hours of strange faces, a great grandmother who couldn't remember her name and a couple little cousins who couldn't understand why they couldn't feed her chicken or throw her in the pool, she zonked out in my mom's arms. After a short nap, the day was almost over and it was time to head back to the airport.

Checking in was MUCH easier this time around because we had my mom there to help. Now that I knew what to do, we got through security quickly and were on our way home. The flight was awesome, but I was concerned about getting L back to our apartment as soon as possible because we were landing right about the time that all babies tend to have their nighttime fussy-pants fits. After picking up the stupid car seat from baggage claim, I headed for our car in a hurry.

We stepped outside and it turned out to be one of the WINDIEST days I'd come across since moving to Oakland, which wouldn't have been that big of a deal if I wasn't wearing a DRESS. I learn lessons the hard way, folks. I had already encountered many situations where wearing a dress while toting around a baby was probably not the best idea, but wearing a dress while toting around a baby at an AIRPORT is downright stupid. I pushed the stroller with one hand while struggling to keep the front AND back of my dress down with the other. It was a total nightmare. We got to our car and it was time to reinstall the stupid seat for the second time that day. I went to pull it out of its bag and of course, the zipper was caught on the seat's cover. I bent over (in my dress) to finagle the zipper when a huge gust of wind came by and blew my good-for-nothing dress straight over my head... RIGHT as an airport shuttle was driving by. Funny thing is, I was so exhausted, and so concerned with getting L home before bedtime, and so just over it, that I really could care less that my post pregnancy ass was in plain view of a whole bunch of strangers. I buckled L in and FINALLY, this nightmare of a day was almost over. I drove up to the ticket booth to pay for parking when some stupid bitch tried to cut in front of me. I gave her that "I will get out of this car and strangle a bitch because I have a ticking time bomb in the form of a baby in the back seat" look as I sped around her. This of course is much worse than the "you better help me" look I gave the TSA officer earlier in the day.

We got on the freeway and just as I expected, L started to have a fit. I, myself, was on the verge of tears at that point. I started blowing really loud raspberries (a great distraction for L), and after a few minutes, she passed out. We got home. She woke up as soon as the garage door closed, I carried her up the two flights of stairs and opened the door to be greeted by Joe, who had just come home from work. I passed her over and told him I needed an alcoholic beverage and I didn't care what it was. He put L in her swing and once again, she was all smiles. I collapsed on the couch, Joe brought me my drink and hit me like a ton of bricks... I'm a MOM.


  1. reading this made me feel exhausted.

    tough work, you moms.

  2. You are truly hilarious (not that there is anything hilarious about the whole situation ;)). I have a 3.5 month old myself and we are traveling for the first time in 2 weeks, YIKES! Looking forward to tell some stories myself! Cheers Celia!

  3. dude. i am afraid to take H to the *coffee shop.* well done INDEED.