I'd just like to take a moment to mention what a knock out Mr. Mom Ben is turning out to be.
Their first day home alone last week got to a rough start. Even though we had been practicing once or twice a week with the bottle, it still wasn't Henry's idea of a party. And he let it be known that morning. I am pretty sure he cried more than he ever has in one day. Papa was stressed and I was sad as can be.
But by afternoon things turned around. Like a switch flipped and he realized the bottle thing wasn't so bad.
And now every day I come home to a happy smiling baby, dinner on the stove, and more chores done than I was ever able to get to in a day. (Ben more often comes home to find me and Henry asleep on the couch together, me having not even managed to feed myself lunch, and piles of laundry everywhere.)
Well done, Ben. You kill it.
PS.... Thanks for all your support on my last post. Obviously, Ben being so awesome has made the transition back to work a bit easier. But it is still hard sometimes. I am not (yet) managing to pump as much milk as Henry eats during a day. (Who knew it would be so hard?) Yesterday I *had* to go back to the office for something I forgot, and it caused me to miss out on nursing him at 5. Since regular nursing is crucial to keeping up supply, and I left the pump at work, I was so sad to miss this feeding. Which of coursed spiraled into all the sadness and guilt about not being at home with him. I cried the whole way home. Sigh.
Ugh I am so sorry. I would feel the same way and would have cried too. You are obviously a great Mama and what a awesome thing to have a sweet husband who you know is doing a great job too.
ReplyDeletePumping was so hard for me in the beginning. I was stressed about not pumping enough, pumping too much, getting the timing right, etc...
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is that it really gets SO MUCH easier. Having the support at home is killer and so damn special for Ben and Henry to have their time together. I've been pumping for almost 5 months now and I barely even think about it. Having a little freezer backup helped me relax for those random days that I'm only able to pump 4 oz instead of 12; it happens. Also, having pictures to look at or a piece of baby clothing to smell helps (weird, I know).
I remember my mom saying that one of the hardest things for moms to do is to let the dad figure out their rhythm with the baby. It's so hard to let go of control during those struggles but so rewarding to see your partner develop their own relationship and routine.
And if Ben wants to share his secret for getting all of the housework done and cooking dinner, I'd love to hear it. What a dad!
I have SO been there. I had the exact same situation as you (daddy at home, me at work, same timing, breastfeeding, supply concerns, all of it!) but my son is now 18 mos. The first few months of being at work are hard, the first few weeks the toughest (expect lots of crying, totes normal). It's very hard when you run the numbers in your head. When you are home on maternity leave, you are pretty much with them 24x7. Then you go back to work and you get 2, maybe 3 hrs a day. It sucks!
ReplyDeleteBUT, BUT! it does get better/easier/manageable. The guilt is still there and I'm not sure it ever leaves for some of us. I often really feel like all my time outside of work should be with the baby, but that's unrealistic. Sometimes you have to take the dog to the vet or go get a birthday gift or shop for YOURSELF (hi post pregnancy body, wtf?), where you just can't take him with you. BUT, BUT! you'll find a groove and you begin to make choices that only support that groove.
Once Henry gets a little bit older, hopefully he'll fall more into a schedule and you can plan around that. My son was hard to get on a schedule but we (daddy mostly) did it and it helped. Now, I only schedule or commit to things that can be done before he wakes(almost has never happened!), after I put him to bed or during naps. And that works for us.
My son has not been a great sleeper (til now even!) and that made for some dark times at work for me. Holy s! were there a lot of tears and guilt and dark circles, but still, SOOO much more fun and good and happy. And the good, fun, happy stuff is what keeps your heart warm and fuzzy and that NEVER subsides.
I'll stop writing a book now and just end with the best advice I've received as a parent/mother: Do what works for you. Do what works for your baby/husband/family. You know what's best, you really do.
PS - your baby & husband so peachy sweet.
<3 <3 <3 (((((Jamie)))))
ReplyDeletestory of my life
ReplyDeleteCareful! All that guilt and tears will just ruin the milk :)
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, it's hard but you know he's doing well and growing strong with all the (milk) and love you both give him.
Hope it gets easier for the you all with time xx P.S I could imagine how you can miss your two guys, the last photo kills me
ReplyDeletedear ben,
ReplyDeleteplease feel free to come to our house and give me a much needed break. i can pay you in kitty cuddles from the cat and alcoholic beverages. enticing, no?
k.i.t.
celia
love your honesty (piles of dirty laundry, etc)!
ReplyDeleteSuch a beautiful post. I really enjoy your blog. What a great family. Thanks for sharing about being a new Mom. I am going to be a Mom someday soon and will definitely be coming back here to re-read your posts.
ReplyDelete- Stephanie